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Differentiated Leadership
True, effective leadership is not inherent. It is not a character trait that some people are simply born with. Rather, successful leadership requires tangible skills that can be developed like in every other field of work. Every person has unique characteristics and styles that give color and personality to leadership, but that is not enough to effectively lead an organization or a classroom. Friedman’s Theory of Differentiated Leadership Made Simple (2010) and Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, 2nd Edition (Patterson et al., 2012) provide specific strategies to build a skill set for becoming an effective leader and engaging in difficult, but necessary conversations.
Leadership is not solely for the boardroom or front office, but is applicable to any area of life where groups of people are involved. I will later be discussing how I will apply these strategies to my Innovation Plan, but I also find myself connecting these methods to my current situation of a stay-at-home mom plus grad student. Friedman’s Theory of Self-differentiated leadership is built off the concept that good leaders have a strong understanding of their own feelings and a confidence in their decisions regardless of the reaction while also valuing connection with the other people in the organization (Camp, 2010). Dr. Becky from the Good Inside podcast also refers to this when giving advice to parents, the leaders of their family (Dr. Becky, 2022). She constantly reminds parents that their job is to keep their children safe and set appropriate boundaries, and it is a child’s job to react and express their emotions. When a parent is in a tough position with a screaming and upset child, a parent needs to prepare the child the best they can for the situation, but then it is also important not to take the child’s reaction as a reflection of your own judgment or absorb their anxiety as your own. This applies directly to leadership in an organization as well. Effective leaders clearly understand their role and are able to hear criticism and anxiety from others without letting it constantly sway their decisions. Leaders are mature enough to listen to problems without engaging in what Friedman calls an emotional triangle, where a leader unnecessarily shares the problem with a third person for the sole purpose of unloading anxiety (Camp, 2010). A successful leader can prioritize connection and dialogue but can also maintain their independence and identity separate from the group.
I have been creating an Innovation Plan that implements blended learning into my classroom with a focus on authentic learning experiences. I have also created 2 strategies using the Influencer and 4DX models to influence my colleagues into also adopting blended learning and authentic learning experiences into their own classrooms. This will be new to many teachers, including myself, so I am guaranteed to get pushback and resistance. As the creator and leader of the blended learning innovation plan, I need to be a self-differentiated leader that has the awareness and confidence to continue executing the plan while still connecting with and supporting people who are experiencing challenges and concerns throughout the process. In order to truly connect, I will need to engage in crucial conversations with administrators, colleagues, the community and students.
![Crucial Conversations (2).png](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/98dd54_e9d2be3a548f4053b4dea8ff9babb824~mv2.png/v1/crop/x_0,y_578,w_600,h_1422/fill/w_600,h_1422,al_c,q_90,enc_auto/Crucial%20Conversations%20(2).png)
![Crucial Conversations.png](https://static.wixstatic.com/media/98dd54_8f6b9de909af4244a687b2061ac92585~mv2.png/v1/crop/x_53,y_300,w_547,h_1144/fill/w_547,h_1144,al_c,q_90,enc_auto/Crucial%20Conversations.png)
According to Crucial Conversations (Patterson et al., 2012), crucial conversations occur when 3 major characteristics come together: the stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong. This is an intimidating list of features going into a conversation, and it might be tempting to avoid the conversation altogether in order to avoid making the situation worse. However as a differentiated leader, it is vital that you are able to take on highly charged scenarios to continue the progress of your organization or project. Patterson et al. outline a strategy for recognizing and successfully engaging in crucial conversations with 8 important factors to consider (2012).
1. Get Unstuck:
Implementing blended learning and authentic learning experiences will be challenging for even the models of the group, so I can go into this project fully knowing that I will be having crucial conversations with administrators, teachers, students and the community. My administration will have concerns and doubts about how authentic learning can engage all students in rigorous lessons while also addressing strict state standards and preparing students for the end of year state assessment. Many teachers, especially those that fall into the Not Yet and Never categories described in 4DX, will struggle to find purpose and meaning to changing acceptable lessons that they have used in the past (McChesney et al., 2012). Students and the community will struggle with the change of learning expectations and classroom environment involved with authentic learning and will voice concerns over the content and purpose of the change when it has never been taught this way. All of these concerns are valid and must be addressed in a crucial conversation.
2. Start with the Heart
The most important takeaway from Crucial Conversations is that I need to create a safe environment for open dialogue. No issue can be solved if the other person feels attacked, unheard, unappreciated or misunderstood, and yet a safe environment starts with the leader focusing on themselves first. This may seem counterintuitive because if you are trying to convince a person to change their opinion, you might prioritize their thoughts and actions over your own. It is however essential that a leader starts a conversation from the heart with the right motivation and focus, which is not about winning the argument or being right but creating a dialogue that allows everyone to be heard and feel that they can contribute to a solution.
3/4. Learn to Look and Make it Safe
In addition to starting with the heart, the leader needs to recognize when a conversation turns crucial. This will help the leader to focus on the steps outlined here to navigate an important and difficult conversation. The key to maintaining a safe environment is to continuously establish a mutual purpose and respect. Administration, teachers, and the community all share a mutual purpose of a strong education for their children, and when a conversation starts to veer off into an unsafe environment, returning to the mutual purpose will help ground the dialogue. Mutual respect can be reinforced by using contrasting statements like, “I don’t want to offend you, but I do want an improved relationship with you (Callibrain, 2015).”
5. Master my Stories
It is easy to create the worst possible stories in our minds to explain other people’s motivations behind their opinions. Not only may this be untrue, but it creates a hostile environment of you vs. them, instead of an open dialogue between two people with a mutual purpose and respect. Check in with yourself to ensure that your story is not creating a victim/villain narrative.
6/7. State my Path and Explore other Paths
Start with the facts. Because you have taken the time to clearly understand your goals and motivations, you can intelligibly present your facts with a conclusion that called for this crucial conversation, but this is only the beginning of the conversation. A crucial conversation is not successful if it is intended to only come from one side of the discussion. After sharing your facts and conclusion, encourage the other person to share their thoughts, feelings, and stories all while looking for signs that the environment is remaining safe. If you notice signs of an unsafe environment like silence and aggression, then you need to abandon the content of the discussion until you can reestablish mutual purpose and respect.
8. Move to Action
A crucial conversation should end with a mutual understanding of the solution, which allows for both parties to move forward in agreement. This experience and these skills will create more moments of honest, open dialogue that will continue to push your organization forward.
References
Callibrain. (2015, August 20). Video Review for Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFaXx3pgaxM
Camp, J. (2010, November 10). Friedman's Theory of Differentiated Leadership Made Simple. YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdcljNV-Ew
Dr. Becky (Host). (2022, February 22). Monica and Adam Mosseri on Managing Separation Anxiety [Audio podcast
episode]. In Good Inside with Dr. Becky. https://goodinside.com/podcast/
McChesney, C., Covey, S., & Huling, J. (2012). The 4 Disciplines of Execution: Achieving Your Wildly Important
Goals. Free Press.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., Swizler, A., & McMillan, R. (2012). Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are
high (2nd ed.).